– Ọ̀rọ̀ Sísọ | Ikwu Okwu
Words are threads for weaving stories. They convey thoughts and opinions. The spoken word is the human mind made visible (Ọkwu e kwụrụ ekwu bụ uche mmadụ). They are mirrors that reflect people’s characters and their outlook at life. They reveal what is in the mind.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)
- Speaking Good vs Bad Words
A good person speaks kind words (Okwu ọma). It is only a vile person that has nothing good to say (kò ní ọ̀rọ̀ ire lẹ́nu). Soft words reduce bitterness (Okwu dị nwayọọ na-ebelata ọnụma) and ease tension. Bad words (Ọ̀rọ̀ burúkú) are like a weapon that inflicts harm more lasting than physical wounds. As taut as a bow-string: a physical gash heals but that from a hurtful word doesn’t. (Á le koko bí ọsán: ẹgbẹ́ jinná, ohùn ò jinná). Bad words penetrate deep into the heart, leaving long-lasting emotional and psychological wounds.
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18).
- Hurtful words are unforgettable and irretrievable
Speak with restraint because insensitive words have an impact on others. The person who poops on the floor may forget but the person who has to clean up the mess never forgets (Ẹni tó ṣu lè gbàgbé, ṣùgbọ́n ẹni tó fọwọ́ ko ò lè gbàgbé). Similarly, what the mouth casually told the heart can be forgotten, but what the heart told the mouth can never be forgotten (Ọnụ gwara obi nwere ike ichezọ, ma ihe obi gwara ọnụ anaghị echezọ echezọ). Words spoken from the depth of one’s heart leave a permanent mark. Spoken words are fragile like raw eggs. Once they fall to the ground, they shatter (Ọ̀rọ̀ bí ẹyin ni; tí ó bá ti jábọ̀ sílẹ̀, fífọ́ ni ń fọ́). Like Humpty Dumpty, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men will not be able to mend the damage.
Make a balance and a weight for your words. Make a door and a bolt for your mouth. Beware lest you slip with it, and fall before him who lies in wait.(Sirach 28:24-26).
- Words can make or break
Words can breathe life into ideas and inspire action. If a person says ‘yes’, their personal spirit (Chi) also affirms it (Onye kwere, Chi ya ekwe). Use your words to beacon good fortune towards yourself (Àpèmọ́ra ẹni ni a ń pé tèmídire). Do not let negative words find rest in your soul. Speak something positive to counteract it. Words are like water, when you pour water on your path ahead, you will step on cool ground (ẹni tó bá da omi síwájú, á tẹ ilẹ̀ tútù). If you speak to someone you are trying to help harshly, they may prefer to suffer in their situation. When a wife is sweet-spoken, her husband does not refuse her food (Nwanyị ọnụ ụtọ, di anaghị ajụrụ ya nri) but if the food comes with insults, he might prefer to starve. This may sound stereotypical but the moral is that nobody likes to be treated like trash.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).
- Words of Apologies
Sorry may be nuanced. Its impact depends heavily on the tone, intent, and attitude behind it. Stereotypically, “sorry” has both masculine and feminine expressions (Pẹ̀lẹ́ ní ákọ, ó ní ábo). A tempered voice brings a kola nut out of the pocket, while a harsh voice draws a dagger from its sheath (Ohùn pẹ̀lẹ́ nì í yọ obì n’ápò; ohùn líle nì í yọ ọ̀bẹ n’ákọ). Note that it is important to avoid generalizations that reinforce gender stereotypes, for not all men are brash, nor are all women gentle.
- Humorous words as a Balm
Sometimes bad news is delivered with humor (Ọ̀rọ̀ búrúkú pẹ̀lú ẹ̀rín) hoping that the laughter will soften the pain, making the information easier to bear. Using humor to strip the problem of its power to demoralize you may be helpful in the midst of adversity.
- Spicing Words with Proverbs
Proverbs are spices that add flavor to spoken words, making it palatable to the hearer. Proverbs are the palm oil with which words are eaten (lu bụ mmanụ eji eri okwu). They make conversation richer and smoother, just as oil makes food more enjoyable. Proverbs are draft horses for vocalizing your thoughts. When at a loss for words, an appropriate proverb is used to find it (Òwe lẹṣin ọ̀rọ̀; bí ọ̀rọ̀ bá sọnù, òwe la fi ń wá a). Emotionally intelligent people who are vast in proverbs are best suited for clarifying complex issues (Amòrán-mòwe ní ń làdí ọ̀rọ̀). It is the one who has mastery of proverbs that has undisputed authority in a discussion (Olówe l’áláṣẹ ọ̀rọ̀).
- Decipher the Wisdom in Words
You do not need to explain everything to the wise; they easily read between the lines and decipher the unspoken. Half a word is spoken to an ọmọlúwàbí; when it enters their mind, it becomes whole (Àbọ̀ ọ̀rọ̀ ni a sọ fún ọmọlúwàbí; tí ó bá dé inú rẹ̀, a di odindi). A simple gesture is enough for them to grasp the full picture and act accordingly. Words are spoken encased in their shell, let the wise tease them out (A na-ekwu okwu na mkpọ ya, nwoke nwere uche abịazie tiwaa ya). But there are times you need to be explicit or else your words will not make sense just like when names are shortened and it becomes difficult to understand their true meaning (Àdàpè ọ̀rọ̀ kò jẹ́ kí á mọ ìtumọ̀ orúkọ).
- Elderly Words of Wisdom
The issue you do not want your father to hear about will still need to be resolved by him (Ọ̀rọ̀ tí a pé kí bàbá má gbọ́, bàbá ni ńparí ẹ̀), so the earlier you seek his counsel the better. An elder’s intervention is often the final barrier to chaos—if their words do not pave the way for dialogue, war inevitably ensues (Ọ̀rọ̀ àgbà, bí kò bá ta ẹdẹ, ogun ní ńta). Elders have a moral duty, they cannot sit at home and watch the she-goat suffer the pain of childbirth tethered to a post (Okenye anaghị anọ n’ụlọ nne ewu amụọ na gbuu). Elders have foresight, if their words do not manifest in the morning, they will come to pass by nightfall (Ọ̀rọ̀ àgbà, tí kò bá ṣẹ ní òwúrọ̀, a ṣẹ ní alẹ́). What an elder sees while sitting, a child cannot glimpse from the top of a tree (Ihe onye okenye hụrụ n’oche, nwata anaghị ahụ ya n’elu osisi).
- The Ethics of Speech and the Cost of Silence
A silent figurine leaves everyone guessing which side it supports (Ṣìgìdì tí kò sọ̀rọ̀, a ò mọ ẹni tí ńgbè). A figurine does not have a mouth to speak so lies upon lies are conjured on its behalf (Ṣìgìdì kò ní ẹnu láti fọhùn; irọ́ ń parọ́ fún irọ́). May you know when to speak and when to refrain, as speaking up can be misinterpreted as subtle shading while keeping silent can look like malice (Bi a bá sọ̀rọ̀, a dàbí òwe; bí a kò bá sọ̀rọ̀, a dàbí ìjà). Find the courage to speak up (sọ̀rọ̀ sọ́kè). Your voice is your advocate; speak up. For failure to speak out may precede misfortune (Àìlèfọhùn ní ńṣáájú orí burúkú). Why be like the shy rat that died in its burrow (Òkè na-eme ihere na-anwụ n’ime ọnụ ya). Why deceive yourself by saying all is well like the grasshopper who claims it is just secreting oil when it is actually being roasted (Ukpana na-ere n’ọkụ sị na ya na-asa mmanụ). Speak up, acknowledge your situation, seek help and get yourself to safety.
- Bridle your tongue
While it is true that whatever the eyes see, is what the mouth speaks (Ihe anyá hụrụ ka ọnụ na-ekwu) one must never bear false. If the eye doesn’t see something, the mouth should not say it did (Bí ojú kò bá rí nǹkan, ẹnu kì í sọ pé ó rí). Even so, wisdom requires discretion; it is not everything the eyes see that the mouth says (Kì í ṣe gbogbo ohun tí ojú bá rí ni ẹnu ń sọ). At times, one must bridle the tongue to avoid speaking in ways that may worsen an already difficult situation. Don’t talk carelessly, don’t talk. For a person is known by what they say. (Ekwula, ekwula! A na-amata mmadụ n’ihe ọ na-ekwu). Words that if spoken today will be a source of quarrel tomorrow should remain in the belly (Ọ̀rọ̀ tí a sọ lónìí tí ó di ìjà l’ọ́la, inú ẹni ní í gbé), don’t vocalize it.
- Speak with Discretion
It is during conversations that we know who has common sense and who does not (Ìdí ọ̀rọ̀ sísọ ni a ti ń mọ ẹni tí ó ní làákàyè àti ẹni tí kò ní). Whoever speaks too much is likely to misspeak (Ẹni tí ó bá sọ púpọ̀ á ṣìsọ). A person’s mouth may bring them favor, and their mouth may bring them trouble (Ọnụ m mere m mma, ọnụ m mere m njọ). We accept the entertainer, and we know the praise-singer; it is the blunderer who is unacceptable (A mọ aláré, a mọ eléki; aláṣìsọ ló kù) because nothing kills people faster than speaking without restraint. (Kò sí ohun tó yára pa ẹni bí ọ̀rọ̀ àsọjù).
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise (Proverbs 10:19).
….to be continued.
8. Medical Science
God created all knowledge. He gave physicians knowledge on how to heal the sick. He gave pharmacists knowledge on drug development. Embrace medical science.
Whether you have a baby through normal sex or IVF, the baby remains a gift from God.
Concerning how the baby arrives the world, normal delivery or caesarian section, it really doesn’t matter. All that is important is a healthy baby and a healthy mother.
Celebrate with each other. Don’t guilt trip or condemn yourselves. Don’t lie to each other about how God answered your prayers.
Nice one! Thanks 👍
Here are other ideas
9. Living within your means
Aspire for greatness. Explore opportunities that come your way. Maximize the innate talents bestowed on you by God so that you can become self-sufficient and be able to help others. However, live within your means because as your purchasing power increases, so will your wants and perceived needs. Don’t stress yourself “keeping up with the Jones”. The Jones have their own insecurities too.
10. Self-mastery
Self-mastery is a continuous journey. Yesterday’s victory does not guarantee tomorrow’s victory. But just like an athlete who trains his muscles, you can build on the efforts put in today to make tomorrow’s victory easier.
11. Depression and Suicide
Life is precious, life is a gift. Don’t despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Light comes after the darkness. Even though everything seems hopeless right now, take a pause and breathe. Find one thing to be thankful for. Try to focus on that one thing. You’ll be surprised at how much the negatives will fade away. Seek help from professionals as required. God gave them the knowledge they will use to make you get better.
12. Marriage and Divorce
Marriage provides friendship and companionship. Marriage, like many successful business partnerships, thrives on trust and mutual respect. Why are you getting married? Is it because your partner will make a good companion, or because your kids will inherit good genes or is it for financial security? Is it the physical attraction? Be honest with yourself about your motives. Remember that your chosen partner could have an ancestor with bad genes, could lose their great job or fall ill and lose their physical assets.
It is better that you stick with your spouse, rather than longing for the greener grass on the other side. There is no perfect person anywhere. Try to water your own grass and watch it blossom. If things get strained, still try to treat each other with kindness and decency. If this is not achievable, it is better you separate as amicably as possible, rather than one person getting killed and the other becoming a convicted murderer due to continuous strife, resentment and bitterness.
13. Prayer
Prayer is communication with God. Talking with him as you will talk to someone right beside you. God hears you when you pray. He is not deaf, so you don’t need to shout at him. Prayer is therapeutic and refreshing. Speak to God and unburden your heart. As they say, a problem shared is a problem solved. God will give you insight as to how to solve the problem. Note that, you don’t need an intermediary to speak with him. You can hear from him by yourself.
Great effort! Full of so much wisdom.
I particularly liked the mode of Ascension to leadership in the daraagwa club. Just thinking that the years of understudy by the deputy would be wasted if s/he doesn’t automatically become leader. Also saves on needless effort and resources otherwise deployed to lobby or contest for the job. Do you think there’s something for INEC to learn from this?
Still looking for the full work. It’s looking interesting.
Thank you.
Yes o! Maybe INEC might find it useful. Lol!
File 1 & File 2 are still working in progress. The blog was created so that people could make suggestions on what should be included in the files.
Quite intrigued by the submissions here. Impressive. I noticed there are no mention of religious groups, sects or quotation.
I’m yet to explore the publication in it’s entirety but well done!
Thanks for your feedback. The aim is to focus less on religious groups, sects etc. Rather, the focus is to look at God through a southern Nigerian monotheistic cultural perspective using a common sense approach.
I’ll be glad to know your thoughts after reading the book., as per suggestions for the files. You can get the book on Amazon or read as a thread on twitter.